Firstly this is to Celest. I can’t send messages for some reason so there ya go. I do understand how you feel. I don’t have many close friends, and very few know the person that I really am, what I feel and what I think. My boyfriend is the only one who is always there to support me, but it’s just not enough. I have no urge to be popular, not that it would be at all possible, I just want people to know me and like what they see. I don’t want to be categorized by stereotypes stupid cliche’s, I want people to respect me and enjoy being around me. But I think it’s a lot to ask, i’ve never been socially adept enough to garner that kind of support from people. I may have friends, but I have trouble seeing them truly caring about me. I don’t think I ask for a lot.
Right…isn’t it frustrating knowing that you can’t just be happy that one person accepts you. I feel like I should just be grateful that he’ll accept me and love me no matter what…but is it really so much to ask for a group of friends. The kind that call you up on Friday night and ask if you want to hang out in their living room and play some old school Mario Party. I’d always try to join groups like that, but it never stuck. I’d find myself alone many weekends just because no one bothered to think of me and let me know they were hanging out. It’s been like a curse. If anything, I wish I had a best friend. The kind that will always support you and back you up and be on your side, and accept that you’ve made a mistake and help you fix things. But I guess she doesn’t care enough. It’s like…she’s just given up on me, like “Well. You fucked up your life. Do what you want with what’s left of it and call me when you’re done.” I don’t know how to fix things. And I can’t just pick myself back up. If anything at all, this experience has given me an ungodly amount of don’t-give-a-fuck attitude. So I don’t give a fuck that no one wants me around anymore. I’ve lived like this before. I can be a loner. I’m good at it. I don’t need to leave the house.
