What’s the real point of Tumblr. The only people who ever really watched what I was posting were people I knew in real life. But most of those people didn’t care anyway…

There were some others, but I pushed them away. They were male…I never trusted guys anyway. I always saw through their ulterior motives…after all, it’s not like they followed me for any reason other than they liked me as a girl instead of as a person. I’ve been there, I know their side of it. The “Maybe if I’m there to console her, she’ll like me.” It’s easy to pretend to give a shit. Hell, maybe they do care, because they’re sympathetic human beings.

But that’s not excuse. There’s not connection. It’s all so very fake.

I think I’m out of a best friend. I’m not even sure what happened….but I guess my crying got a little too annoying, so she’s stopped replying to my apology texts.

All I ever wanted was a best friend, you know? Someone you’d text first thing when something funny happened. First one to go to with your problems. Someone you can always talk to…

I guess I’ll just never be that person. I can’t connect with people that well…I guess I was just fooling myself anyway. She gets along with Tyler, more, anyway. And I go to Rae sometimes, but she has all her online friends who she always talks to and think about.

I’m very much a secondary friend. In that lower tier. Never much more than that.

Why am I so worthless….

I wish I didn’t exist. I wish I didn’t have to live with the fact that I’m….this. That I’m me. No amount of praying is going to help me anymore.